My guest post for Queer Girl Cafe is up!
This little girl grew up thinking that she was straight. She’d been taught that there were only three sexual orientations people could have: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. Now, she knew that she wasn’t interested in girls at all, so by process of elimination that left heterosexual. No one around her ever challenged it. All the media she was surrounded by told her that what she liked was an idealised heterosexual relationship.
But she isn’t heterosexual. She’s demisexual. What she loves about the One True Love trope isn’t the ideal of a monogamous heterosexual relationship. It’s the fact that, for her, this is how romance and sex works. An absence of any sexual attraction to people unless she’s formed a strong emotional bond with them (and sometimes/often not even then).
I didn’t even realise it was going to go live today! (That just goes to show how frazzled I’ve been this past week or so.)
So! Because we’re talking stories, here’s another one. It’ll be a very short one, I promise. I was terrified of this essay/guest post. When I contacted Nita about whether she’d like my contribution I cried and shivered and sweated my way through writing the email. And this was knowing that Nita was welcoming of (heteroromantic) demisexuals like myself!
Initially, I was thinking I’d write a piece about that fear and why I had it and how it’s difficult for some people to use the word ‘queer’ because they’re so strongly and firmly told that they are not queer enough. (That’s… one of my first experiences with trying to use the word ‘queer’ and why I only ever use it when I’m absolutely, 100% certain that it’s safe to do so. Hence the anxiety attack when contacting Nita.) But I could never get those experiences to mesh well with the positive, encouraging tone I wanted.
And then… I threw it around entirely, struggling even more mightily and finally figured out that I needed to start it like it was a story. I hope the format will resonate with others and that someone out there will find it useful! It was still terrifying to write. I’m kind of glad I didn’t realise it was going live today and that I didn’t notice until I was at work. It meant I got immediate distraction and, um, did not duck under a blanket and hide for the rest of the day. (And soon I get to hide because it will be time for bed. Yay, time zones! Wow, I never thought I’d say that.)